This week, I was joined by Tatyana Hrechdakian, and she shared with us her journey along with her top tips and insights around how to shush your inner critic.
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Your inner critic
Inner critic is your ego; it’s that voice inside of us that wants to keep us safe and protect us from any harm, whether physical, mental, or emotional.
You can call it the devil on your shoulder, or you can call it another guardian angel. The trick is to know that it’s not your actual, authentic voice. It may not seem this way, but actually, he/she is your best friend.
I’ve experienced and seen it time and time again with people that I know and work with. It’s the difference between actually taking action, or being lost in our head, our thoughts, or our limiting beliefs.
Finding your authentic voice
When you learn to use your critic as your best friend, and not as your worst enemy, you start to realize how powerful you are, and you start to love yourself more and more every day.
Depending on your level of self-development and how much work you’ve done, this can feel like a real struggle or you can feel on top of the world, unstoppable, because you are so in tune with your authentic self.
You no longer let your best friend dictate your thoughts, feelings, behaviours; instead you talk to her, ask her why, get curious.
So, how do you know you’re NOT being authentic? Let’s start there…
You doubt yourself… a lot
You doubt your capabilities, you’re unaware of your talents and strengths, and you focus on your mistakes and weaknesses. Have you ever thought: ‘Well, I can’t possibly do that, I don’t have x certification or training’ or ‘I’m in my late 30s, I couldn’t possibly do something new now’.
Let me ask you something, have you heard of Steve Jobs?
He showed an early interest in computing and went to Reed College in Portland, Oregon, but dropped out after first semester. He ended up pursuing Eastern spiritualism in India before returning to the United States and convincing his friend Steve Wozniak to start a business with him.
Steve later became the CEO of Apple, and paved the way for smartphones, and how we use technology today. He was a visionary.
How about Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonalds?
Ray was 51 when he stumbled upon the restaurant chain run by the two McDonald brothers. He turned a little restaurant into a fast food, global conglomerate. He spent most of the first decades of his professional career selling paper cups and milkshake machines.
There are so many examples of highly successful and wealthy people that failed miserably and are now the most successful and happiest they’ve been in their whole life – Oprah, Ellen Degeneris, Guy Laliberté are all examples.
People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates
Thomas Szasz
You question almost everything
When your inner critic is louder than loud and you have no way of speaking out in your true voice, you can start to question every little decision you make.
This used to show up for me in the simple act of dining out and ordering food – I was sooooooo indecisive, always looking over the menu, and flipping between options, even after I had made up my mind… and this trickled into other areas of life – work, relationships, health… there’s a book in there haha.
What do I want, truly? It’s simple, but when you’re in a certain space, it can feel like the hardest question. So you find yourself turning to other things to distract or shy away from facing it. For me, it was food, and I was putting on the weight over time until I woke up to the fact that I was responsible and had to take some ownership!
It could be something someone says, or the fact that you’re not making effective decisions in the first place. You may say things like, ‘Should I have done that?’, ‘What if so-and-so gets upset?’ ‘What have I done?’
Make an informed decision and then release it, and see what happens. It’s all we can do. Not a single person has it all figured out, we’re all just doing the best we can and learning every day to be better than the day before.
Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
Aristotle
You’re a people pleaser
Guilty. It was coming from a good place, but it was something that was holding me back, because I was afraid of being myself, of being judged, of not meeting expectations, of making mistakes, you name it! We all do it to a certain extent.
It can show up anywhere – When you have a question or idea BUT you think it’s silly, or that people will judge you for asking. How about when you’re applying for a new job and you look at the job requirements and you have 9/10, and you say ‘oh well’, guess I can’t do it. Who cares?! You want it, and it makes sense, do it! What’s the worst that could happen?
Where you are trying to hide or shy away from a new opportunity or a person, get curious as to WHY you think that, and then ask yourself if it’s really true. It’s got nothing to do with anyone but you.
This inner struggle to want to please everyone and avoid conflict or play small, but still be authentic to you can be very damaging and draining if it’s a constant in your life.
Be ok with not everyone liking you or your ideas. Bo ok with not being perfect. It is just their opinion, and trust me, everybody’s got one!
Last thing is that we just can’t control other people or circumstance. We can only control ourselves, our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, behaviour, reactions, etc. And if someone wants to judge you or dislike you, well, that’s on them, not you. You’re good either way, you just have to realize it, and trust it.
Be who you are and say what you want, for those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
Dr. Seuss
You help everyone but yourself
This is like when you put everyone’s needs above yours. You are last on the list of priorities, or close to.
You speed through lunch because you have a deadline, and I’m not talking a one-off here and there, I’m talking a daily or weekly habit of doing this.
You skip the gym or yoga class because you’re so drained from taking on too many things that you said you would do for other people.
Does this sound selfish to you? You can help people, but you need to help yourself first, especially when it comes to your own health & wellness, and happiness.
Sometimes we must lose ourselves to find ourselves.
Sonny Long
How to build your authentic voice?
So now we know when we are NOT in our authentic voice, and it’s not a complete list but definitely those that are coming up a lot in my work and experience, how do we build our authentic voice?
Your Authentic Voice is your inner wisdom, intuition, and gut feeling. It’s the voice that knows and trusts itself, that isn’t afraid to fall or make mistakes, the one that perseveres even when it seems impossible.
It’s like your alter-ego, the version of you that can be anything, do anything, and feels unstoppable!
Where is that voice? It is inside you, it is your gut, it is your intuition, that voice that knows exactly who you are and what you want to do with no hesitation.
You just have to find it, and you do that by reconnecting to yourself, mind, body and soul.
- Becoming aware and listening to your mind, body, and soul – how are you feeling? where are you hurt? who are you, truly?
- You get clear on who you are and what you want, facing any demons or limiting thoughts and beliefs
- You start taking care of yourself, putting yourself first by eating better, moving a little more every day and owning your time
- You let go of any judgement, and accept yourself for everything you are
- You learn to love yourself enough to put yourself first, to discipline yourself to do things that are difficult but move you in the right direction
Whenever I have a doubt or that voice says, YOU SHOULDN’T, or BUT, or WHAT IF… I just stop, and grab my journal or a pen and paper, whatever is handy.
Is there any truth to what you’re thinking?
Is it true that you can only be successful when you have all the answers? No.
Is it true that you’re never going to be good at doing x? No, not with that attitude!
Like Henry Ford said, whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right. YOU have it in you to be anyone, do anything and have all that you desire.
I’m loving my quotes today, my other favourite – person and quote:
Audrey Hepburn is sophisticated, bold, and beautiful inside and out. Like all of us, she had her own battles, that’s life, but it is truly how you CHOOSE to come out of it.
Change is possible, and so is finding that inner you, that inner lion waiting to roar, that inner light waiting to shine! It’s all there waiting for you, you just have to make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.
Until next time!
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