Happy Valentine’s Day yesterday!
The month of romance is upon us, so Relationships are on the table for discussion at the moment. After all, they are one of our life environments, and absolutely play a role in our overwell happiness, wellness and life fulfillment.
On Life Strategies with Nat this week, my weekly Tuesday Facebook show, I got the opportunity to speak to Intuitive Relationship Coach, Mogashni Rodenburg.
While I want help as many people as I can to create the life of their dreams by helping them reach their full potential in 6 months, I am certainly no expert on relationships. It’s why I bring in guest speakers who are knowledgeable and experienced and who are able to fill in the gaps when I don’t know. We’re stronger when we work together as corny as that sounds.
Mogashni talked about her story and her approach in helping people overcome their own blocks so they can show up authentically and attract their life partner or even make their existing relationship more fulfilling.
I’ve worked with a relationship coach in the past and it is that deep dive into yourself, asking the right, and often uncomfortable questions, getting to the core of who you are and what you truly want. It’s with any coaching, you have the answers inside you, it’s just that you need a little more light on the road until the sun comes out, and you can see clearly again.
Top 10 Relationship Blocks
Through my past work and hearing Mogashni and going through her workbook, which you can get for free by the way… It made me want to dive in deep and really come up with 10 relationship blocks, most of which I faced or recognized through my life and coaching experiences.
If it helps even just one person, amazing!
1. You have endless excuses about why someone isn’t right for you.
This was one of my biggest blocks – I was so stuck in my head, analyzing everything, listening to other people’s opinions, that I just blocked myself from being present in my relationships.
When you focus on the many ways you are incompatible or not right for each other, how do you expect to have a loving and trusting relationship?
The good moments made me stay of course, but I was in an off and on relationship for over 10 years because of this block. I regret nothing and I believe it was those decisions that led me to where I am today. We both went on to create amazing lives.
There is always a lesson and always a light to the end of any struggle, so if they’re not right, they’re not right. You’ll know by the way you feel.
Focus on what you want and it will come. Focus on what you don’t want and it will also manifest itself.
The choice is yours.
2. You replay the past in your mind over and over.
The past is like monkey mind central that holds you back and keeps you stuck. It’s the nonstop record player.
When you stay in the past, you can get depressed replaying the good times and the bad times, questioning yourself and your decisions. I’m not saying don’t reminisce, but don’t spend hours or days or years thinking about a past relationship.
It’s torture. You don’t FEEL great. so what are you willing to do to change so that you can start to FEEL BETTER?
Become aware when you go to the past, write it down and really connect with how it’s making you feel and how you want to feel instead, then cross it off and say: thank you subconscious for keeping this memory for me, but I no longer need it because it no longer serves me. Release. Clear. Delete.
3. You can’t let go of the past or make peace
So, building on the previous, when you can’t let go of the hurt, person, whatever negative emotion or feeling it is that is keeping you there, it can block you from moving on and attracting your soul mate.
It’s your energy and state of being… when it’s low, you’re not present so you can’t tune in and connect with your surroundings, and you’re not you. You miss the guy checking you out, or you’re just not that into it because your heart isn’t in it, you’re stuck in this bla state of being.
When you’re full of joy, you are shining so bright that people are attracted to you, that positive energy is working at a higher level than you realize.
Journaling really helped me with this – it was a release, and I would say to myself: I am writing to release and forgive myself and whoever else at the time. I’ve even written a letter to that person but never mailed it. Try it!
4. You hold onto anger and resentment at people in your past.
What about when you bring up unresolved things from the past, sometimes years past, into your present relationship, this can be a recipe for disaster.
It’s either you hold on to something because you’re not sure how to communicate effectively, which is a block in and of itself, or it’s something deeper, perhaps as far back as childhood or young adulthood that have somehow scarred us, given us a negative or untrusting belief system.
If you don’t have trust, you have nothing. It’s one of the 8 core feelings as per Dr. Robert Plutchik. Everything we do, every life experience from the time we are born, even before when we’re in the womb to right here, right now, leaves a cellular memory within us.
This concept is absolutely fascinating, and actually I first got exposed to it in my Ashtanga & Yin Yoga Training Course in Bali 2 years ago. If you’ve been following me, you know how passionate and interested I am in anatomy, and I really try to bring it in everything I do not only to deepen my understanding but also to better help educate others.
Sorry, that was a sidebar… so anyway… cellular memory. Absolutely fascinating and there’s actually a lot of scientific research around it.
This is an excerpt from the Cellular Memory Healing: How to Clear Limiting Beliefs and Emotional Wounds at the Cellular Level:
So what exactly do we mean when we say “cellular memories”? Really, we are simply talking about your memories.
Researchers began adding the word cellular because we used to believe that all memories were stored in the brain—until, over many years with lots of patients, surgeons removed every part of the brain and found the memories were always still there.
The experiences of organ transplant recipients also support this idea. Now we know that memories are stored in cells all over the body, but they’re still just what we would call our “memories,” which is how I’ll refer to them throughout the rest of this. Also, out of the various terms writers and researchers have used for celluÂlar memory, I’ve come to prefer the term that King Solomon used, particularly since he was the earliest source I found for this concept: the issues of the heart.
But to distinguish this concept from our cardiovasÂcular heart, I call it the “spiritual heart.” So when I refer to the spiritual heart throughout the rest of the piece, you can just as easily substitute cellular memory or the subconscious or unconscious mind.
I simply mean the place where our good and bad memories, the source of all our life issues and problems, reside.
Cellular Memory Healing:
How to Clear Limiting Beliefs and Emotional Wounds at the Cellular Level
BY DR. ALEXANDER LLOYD
At the end of the day, we all want to feel better and feel like we’ve got it all.
What if I told you that the brain is not where memories are stored? What if I told you that they’re stored in your subconscious and all the cells and tissues of your body? i will have to come back to this, because this is a whole other topic in itself, one that led me to creating a 30 day course that I’m releasing next month… stay tune for more!
5. You can’t seem to show up as your true self, vulnerabilities and all
This is you not letting others get to know the real you, like you want to stay hidden and distant.
Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, or maybe there’s something from your past that has led you to put up a lot of walls because you’re afraid people won’t like the real you for whatever reason.
Sometimes it’s when we want to be in that relationship, that we think by changing or by lowering our standards or ignoring things that bother us but that actually really matter – aka your values – this comes up too.
I’m uncovering more and more how much of a struggle this is for people, as it was for me in the past. You can break this pattern, you just have to start little by little.
6. You are afraid to say what you think or feel about someone.
This is the people pleaser in us, and was a big block for me. It’s something I still work on, but have definitely made a lot of progress on with coaching and independent work too.
Maybe you’re interested in someone, and you find it too much trouble to take the next step. Or, you’re afraid to say what’s bothering you so you keep it inside until one day, you explode or you find yourself wondering where the time went.
This is usually tied to a fear of failure and again, being trapped in your past.
7. You want someone who meets every item on your checklist.
I literally just giggled at this one. Ok, so in my experience, I see this a lot in people who struggle with perfectionism, who are critical of others not because they’re mean but because they’re hard on themselves so they’re projecting, and who are trying to check off the boxes that society or someone other than themselves has put together.
This happens when you’re not clear on what matters to you, on what your values are – your deal breakers. This happens when you’re not clear about who you are and what you truly want which leads in nicely to number 8…
8. You don’t believe there’s anyone out there for you.
I heard recently that everything you say is an affirmation.
So, when you say things like: Oh, there’s not good guys left or online dating is the worst, it’s full of sleezeballs… guess what? that is your reality. You’re creating it.
VERSUS I haven’t found my guy/gal yet, but I will! S/he’s out there! Just a little longer.
When you get discouraged, you feel discouraged, and then you attract discouraging outcomes… do you see where I’m going with this.
This is why happiness doesn’t come from money, or anyone else, it comes from within you.
9. You think that you don’t deserve love and that you’ll die alone.
Someone once told me that I’ll always be alone. He was clearly projecting, but for the longest time it stuck, and I started believing it because when you say something long enough, it becomes your reality.
There is so much love in this world but this can come from not knowing how to be in a relationship or not having been shown genuine love before and so you don’t take steps to cultivate love within.
It’s a complex one. We all die ‘alone’ in the end, but it’s the memories, love, and meaning that we choose to bring into our lives that stay with us forever.
10. You expect your partner to complete or save you.
Ok, ending on a Jerry Maguire note… so many more blocks to go through but I thought I’d stop here. When you’re looking for someone to make you feel whole and wanted, you can come across as desperate and needy, maybe even play the role of the victim.
The only one that is saving you is yourself. The question is, how badly do you want it? and do you know what you even want? The most successful couples exist because they balance their relationships and their own lives. They compliment one another.
To me love is walking into the room and knowing that where the other person is, they’re with you – That’s trust, that’s joy, that’s love. And isn’t that what we all want? To find our one and only, that soulmate kinda love where it just is and it’s perfectly imperfect.
Your life environments – your career, romance, finances, mindset, etc. – they do not define you, they are not who you are. They are channels that you use to express your true self and that ultimately lead you to feel joy, love and fulfillment. The meaning of life could be just to live with meaning, with purpose to reach your full potential, pure bliss and higher sense of self.
Now I’ve gone and got philosophical on you… care to share your thoughts?
Have a great weekend, and talk to you next week.
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